I Hate Adorkable Scientists
Ryan Gosling is literally me
The Martian sucked dick. Not only was it excruciatingly dull, but it was 142 interminable minutes of Matt Damon being adorkable with his “hooray for science” gung-ho attitude. The entire movie plays out like an extended version of that embarrassing scene from Star Trek Discovery where the adorkable officer saves the ship and exclaims, “This is the power of math, people.” Remember when Star Trek didn’t treat its audience like they were absolute troglodytes? Characters were intelligent, competent in their jobs, and didn’t need to publicly make such abysmal proclamations to let the audience know “It’s okay to enjoy this nerd shit.”
Yesterday, I saw a trailer for the upcoming Project Hail Mary movie (also based on a novel by Andy Weir, but this time, Matt Damon has been upgraded to Ryan Gosling). Damon’s old now; nobody wants to watch old people being adorkable.
The plot, according to Wikipedia, is as follows: Project Hail Mary is a 2021 science fiction novel by American writer Andy Weir. Set in the near future, it centers on school-teacher-turned-astronaut Ryland Grace (I’m sorry [no longer Wikipedia, this is me now] but what the fuck kind of a name is this? This is some Ready Player One type shit of a name. Nobody has ever had this name. If the movie has any sense, they’ll just call the character Doctor Ryan Gosling (the initials are already in place), who wakes up from a coma afflicted with amnesia. He gradually remembers that he was sent to the Tau Ceti system, 12 light-years from Earth, to find a means of reversing a solar dimming event that could cause the extinction of humanity.[1]
I have no issues with that synopsis. It sounds like typical sci-fi slop. My issue is with the trailer that was just released. Now, I want to emphasize that I’ve read none of Weir’s novels, so I can’t say whether my issues are with the source or the adaptations. This is yet another story of an adorkable scientist on a space mission who gets stranded or some shit.
The lines from the trailer I found the most egregious are: “I put the not in astronaut. I’ve never done a space—I can’t even moonwalk.” HE’S SO ADORKABLE. RYAN GOSLING IS LITERALLY ME. “I conquered zero g in five hours.” SLAY KING. “Soooo, I met an alien.” THAT JUST HAPPENED.
That’s the tone of the entire trailer. I don’t mind levity, but for fuck’s sake, are we still doing this shit? Science fiction (hard sci-fi) is my favorite genre. I love existential dread. What better way to depict the fear of the unknown than to use the cosmos as your playground? That dread is kind of deflated when you have adorkable scientist Ryan Gosling acting like a fucking schlock clown.
Remember Danny Boyle’s Sunshine? Probably not. That movie flopped hard at the box office. The plot is essentially the same as Project Hail Mary. The sun is dying, and a team of astronaut are sent to restart the sun. That movie was unbelievably bleak and somber. The tone really emphasized how dire the situation for humanity was. It didn’t need to have zany jabs every five seconds to remind the audience, “It’s okay, don’t worry, the existential terror of death and the deep void isn’t something we have to worry about, just consume!”
Can we start having sci-fi that doesn’t treat its audience like they’re absolute morons?
Listened to the audiobook recently before I knew they were adapting it. There’s some context to him being a dork so I hope they don’t downplay his intelligence. Even the narrator’s voice was kind of annoying for the main character though haha. Sunshine on the other hand is goated from the good old days of college - not many can match it
I loved Sunshine and still listen to the score all the time (when I pretend that my car is a spaceship). Completely agree with everything you said. Bring the dread!