33 Comments
User's avatar
Mike Hampton's avatar

Perverted and memorable brilliance! It was a movie idea at the start, imagining seven hundred pounds twerking, but it got more visceral than that. That "emperor has no clothes" adage is so dated now that mayo is in the cultural mix. Like Timothee Chalamet as Bob Dylan, Pierre remained a dick to the end.

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David's avatar

If Chalamet is truly hungry for that Oscar, he needs to step it up.

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American Psycho's avatar

I was sad there was no backflip, but the 20 mins of twerking served as a nice consolation prize.

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David's avatar

I was also sad there was no backflip. A hack wrote this.

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American Psycho's avatar

A reporter must report. I would never shoot the messenger. Until the next goon sesh.

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Alex England's avatar

Laughed out loud so many times! That little scoundrel David Low definitely has his issues, but dull writing is not one of them

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David's avatar

Thank you for reading!!! Little scoundrel indeed.

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Interested Party's avatar

you are such an insanely good writer oh my god... have you read schrodingers cat? by Robert anton wilson

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Danny Aglugub's avatar

insanely good. I really hope David gets pushed through one of these days.

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David's avatar

That's unbelievably nice of you. I have not, but I will now!

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Nick Davidson's avatar

I needed this

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David's avatar

What prep did you do before reading?

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Nick Davidson's avatar

That's between me and Pierre.

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David's avatar

Fine then, keep your secrets.

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Keary's avatar

Epic

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David's avatar

Thanks for reading you sick son of a bitch.

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leonie's avatar

This is insane!!!!!! Have you watched rap world

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David's avatar

I have not! What’s that?

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leonie's avatar

It’s a movie by Conner O’Malley that i feel like is in the same vein as your writing you should watch it it’s on youtube!

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Joe Nada (no relation)'s avatar

Dude, I took a hard earned gooning break to read this, and am now sufficiently inspired to goon away long into the night.

Seriously (or slightly more seriously than the previous sentence - which is still fairly unseriously in the grand scheme of seriouslessness) though, you somehow only manage to write things I want to read. Every time I start to think Substack is just Twitter for desperate cat enthusiasts, I read one of your short stories and am reminded that there are still wizards out there casting their weird-ass spells.

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David's avatar

If I can even play a small part in providing you with gooning material, then I will happily oblige and be grateful you read.

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Danny Aglugub's avatar

This uber driver can confirm the veracity of said twerker

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David's avatar

How's your car doing?

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Danny Aglugub's avatar

legend has it, she still squirts mayo

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Melvin Burgess's avatar

Sick, entertaining, hideous and really a lot of fun. Thanks.

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David's avatar

Thanks for that! Doing any gooning tonight?

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Melvin Burgess's avatar

Ill goon on, dont you worry.

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Mawkus's avatar

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 I love your books. But “little gay david” will never NOT be funny.

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David's avatar

Little gay David and his little gay books.

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Hemispherical Money's avatar

A brown ti mother chalamet sounds awesome. Spank banking this article

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David's avatar

Hell yeah! At the end of the day that's why we do it.

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Mar 25
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David's avatar

I feel like I could have gone much further with this one.

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Mar 25
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David's avatar

I hate mayonnaise.

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